Each week, Dear Prudence answers additional questions from readers for Slate Plus members only. Submit your question here. (Anonymous!)
Q. Take it to the closet: I’m an adjunct professor in my mid-thirties. I have been dating my boyfriend “Henry” for about a year now. I knew he went to the university where I worked, but he said he wouldn’t take any of my classes.
One of our tenured professors has taken sick leave and I will be teaching her class next winter and spring semesters. Depending on how you manage it, you may be able to significantly improve employment.
Henry plans to attend these classes and is at a loss as to what to do. The institution where I work does not allow relationships between professors and those under his direct supervision. Even if I explained the situation and got permission, I’m afraid it would take a professional hit if I looked inappropriate. This relationship with Henry seems to have legs. I don’t want to break it Should I hide it? It seems like the most sensible option but I feel it is wrong to hide the relationship in this day and age.Henry was hidden by his former boyfriend and it really hurt him emotionally. I don’t want to do it to At the same time, he cannot leave these classes without significantly delaying his graduation date.
A: If Henry’s worth it to you, you’ve got to get clean before the winter term starts. Looks very admirable to me! Whatever you do, don’t hide it. Lies can lead to more lies, endlessly stressing you out and really ruining your reputation.
But I noticed it in your letter too. This doesn’t seem like a decision you and Henry are making together. For example, did he tell you if he is willing to postpone graduation? If you are a serious couple and you really see a future together, it could be a delay in graduating or an inappropriate ( It feels like you’re weighing the pros and cons of any possible appearance. If after a year we still haven’t reached a relationship where we can think of ourselves as one unit and work accordingly, it’s going to be inconvenient. It is probably worth the effort to maintain it. to go.
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